Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
