There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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