I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
