Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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