mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
