i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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