Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
