i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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