I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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