While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
