You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
