plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
