Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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