her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
