She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
