My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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