we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
