I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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