you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
