Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
