Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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