i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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