I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
