I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
