So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
