Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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