mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
