Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
