wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
