Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
