I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
