pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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