she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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