Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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