omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
