I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
