somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
