Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
