we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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