I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
