did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
