Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
