My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
