she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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