It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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