My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
