it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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