I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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