do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
