I think I am morally bankrupt
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
