I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
