Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
