Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My life is pants optional.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
