It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
